Shift Your Networking Game

I volunteer at this incredible organization in Orange County called WHW (www.whw.org). Their mission is to help empower employment success by teaching people the variety of mindsets and skills necessary to get and keep an amazing job. I see people walk in their doors confused, disheartened, and scared – and walk out of their doors inspired, empowered, and educated. All for free. It’s amazing.

Anyway – I digress. One of the classes I teach is around crafting an elevator pitch. This damn elevator pitch causes so much unnecessary anxiety. And, of course, the elephant in the room is needing to actually use the elevator pitch while networking. Their faces go from bad to worse. Gasp. Sigh. Yuck.

I have seen people shift from fear to freedom in their job search process with a subtle reframing of how to “show up” to the game of networking. While this is a topic of many books and resources and not one I claim to be an expert in, I feel compelled to share my best tips. None of us should be nervous or anxious or avoidant when networking because that defeats the whole purpose of showing up fully ourselves!

So – here you go… get your mindset recalibrated and get out in the world proclaiming who you are!

Stop thinking of networking as selling yourself. If you’re not a self-proclaimed sales person, this approach feels hard and stereotypically inauthentic. We have a lot of culturally programmed allergies to selling. Instead, think of networking as a chance to share yourself. Share what’s inspiring you right now, share some projects that you’re working on, share a bit more of who you are outside of work. Selling carries implicit and explicit judgement – it implies that someone needs to buy who you are.Sharing, on the other hand, feels expansive and non-judgmental. You are simply out there in the world signaling what matters to you and which way you’re heading.
Speaking of which way you’re heading – one of the best ways I’ve heard authentic networking described is asking for directions. You are on a journey from here to there and stop along the way to check-in with others on the path, pick up some clues, and course-correct as-needed. When someone asks you for directions, are you annoyed? Do you feel sold to? Do you avoid them? Probably not. You feel delighted to have helped someone out. People feel the same way about helping you out. Networking as asking for directions is a way to infuse conversations with curiosity, appreciation, clarity – and non-attachment. You know where you want to go (or not), so get out of your head and start asking around for directions!
After you get more comfortable asking for directions, stop categorizing yourself as your job. This is counter-intuitive to every course taught on elevator pitches but I promise it works. By saying “I’m a lawyer”, “I’m a VP of Sales at Amazon”, “I run a digital agency” – you give all your power away in the first 5 seconds. Why? Because the person receiving the information is storing you in their mental rolodex of what they think that job title does or how useful it is or isn’t for them. Instead, try focusing on who you serve and how you do it uniquely. Spark an emotional connection. Ask a question. For example: “You know how it’s so scary to jump from a secure job to starting your own business? Well, I help new businesses navigate the overwhelm of setting themselves up legally. I listen well, distill down the nuts and bolts of what they need to know, and sort out all of the missing pieces. I’m basically in the business of peace-of-mind.” By sharing who you serve and how you do it uniquely, you activate dialogue and intrigue rather than lecture and a simple yes/no response.

“The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.”–Keith Ferrazzi

From Theory to Action

Whether you are in a job that you hope lasts a lifetime or are itching to figure out what’s next, networking is the oxygen of professional progress. Stop stressing about it and overthinking it. Instead, try sharing, asking for directions, and compelling through emotion. I challenge you to take a new approach to networking this summer. Lighten up, share a little more of yourself, and notice how your elevator pitch flows with ease rather than angst. They’d be lucky to have you as part of their network, I promise.